6.06.2006

Feeling

...your friends surprising you with a giant, frosting covered cookie and a dozen roses in your favorite color, because they know how long it's been since you had a good birthday...

...running and falling into the ocean, still in your shorts and tank top...

...riding in the car with friends who are more like sisters, windows down, music up, going as fast as you can...

...denny's at 3 am...

...8 people on a trampoline, sitting or laying, talking and laughing over the newest Harry Potter book...

..."The Cult of the Trampoline"...

...having a silly motto...

...driving away from your problems, just for a day...

...a shared meal...

...laying in the grass on a sunny day, listening to your friends talk...

...8 people + backpacks in a 5 passenger car with a missing seatbelt...

...letting the rain soak in...

...that first warm night of the year...

...the first night you can feel autumn in the air...

...getting an 'A' on your favorite ddr song...

...playing anything till it hurts...

...any day with a disposable camera involved...

...halloween...

That moment.

6.02.2006

Where have I been?

Moping, bitching, throwing shoes and walking away from my friends, telling my father that he's being a jerk, avoiding people... let me tell you, that can keep a girl busy.

So, a few days ago, my father started the day with his usual hissy fit, following form and aiming at me. I'm lazy, inconsiderate, I never do anything, I'm making it up, I act like I don't care about my life, I need to choose a career or go back to school, etc. It started out with I need to do more around the house (I do more than he acknowledges) or it might be time for me to "move on." After he was done with me, he moved on to my brother, and eventually ended up screaming at my mother that she makes him do all the disciplining and doesn't support him. What happened next actually happens every 2 to 3 years, and although nothing ever comes of it, my friends know how much it bothers me: he informed my mother he was 'leaving.' In the 'not coming back' sense. Now, as my mother put it, 'who waters the lawn if they're actually leaving?' But that does not change that it is hurtful, and he made my mother cry. I'm still angry that he would do anything that made her cry.

I ended up calling my friend crying, and asking her to come to my house, because I was so upset I was shaking, and I still had to go to work.

He came back about 3 hours later, and the situation has obviously resolved itself, but I've just been in a mood ever since. I've yelled and snapped at people, I've avoided my father, when one of my friends got snappy at the other for no reason (they're idiots, both of them I swear... ok, I didn't mean that, it just always happens) I yelled 'jesus christ', threw my show and walked away (not the type of behavior I usually display in public), and the list goes on. On a side note, I wasn't wearing my shoe because I was getting sand off my feet, I didn't take it off just to throw it.

The worst part is how I'm eating... now, I've mentioned my eating habits on here before. I eat like a pig, and I binge sometimes. Not this week. I've eaten maybe a meals worth (a meal for me, anyway) of food a day since this all happened. Which I figured would resolve itself before it became a problem, it always does (sometimes I do this for 2 or 3 days when stressed). But today I was wicked dizzy, and that is probably a bad sign. And when I think about eating more, I get sick.

So I'm just all worried that I've lost my mind, in case anyone is wondering what this all amounts too.

5.31.2006

So...

Apparently, a semi-local news magazine that I'm actually rather fond of is the current cause of my 3 day bitchfit. Why? Their 100 unsexiest men in the world list. So, I'm going share my thoughts on their 'unsexy' men. I don't disagree with all of them, obviously, but I need to bitch. It makes me happy this week. It may also make me happy to hunt down the authors and maim them. Here we go:

1. Gilbert Gottfried - yes, he looks funny and he sounds really strange, but honestly, he's not the most unsexy man in the world. I can think of so many people so much more repulsive... but I don't like to think about repulsive people today, so I'll just make MY list later.

2. Randy Johnson - ...fair enough.

3. Roger Ebert: They put it well: "Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn't fuck him."

4. Dr. Phil: "Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid. " And he's creepy, with an annoying accent.

5. Alan Colmes - eh, I think it's a little mean to put him this high on the list, but it's pretty bad.

6. Chad Kroeger - Not only is that untrue, but they called Nickleback the 'worst band since the dawn of time,' and that's one of the reasons I'm going to maim them.

7. Mike Mills - another good choice.

8. Osama Bin Laden: "Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5", no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points. " Interesting reasoning, but I'd have thrown in the whole 'fugly' factor.

9. Jay Leno

10. Don Imus - fighting for the #1 spot on the list.

11. Michael Jackson - fighting for the #1 spot on the list.

12. Wallace Shawn - ok, so he's not sexy, but I love him because he's funny, so I don't like seeing him on the list.

13. Mike D. of the Beastie Boys: "We hate to do this. But the sickly looking Beastie "did it like this, did it like that, did it with a wiffle ball bat . . . because no one would want to get within three feet of him naked. " The comment made me giggle... he's just an uber dork.

14. Richard Simmons - winning the fight for the #1 spot... I bet Wayne Brady has nightmares.

15. Jon Lovitz - another unsexy but funny one.

16. Carrot Top: "Sheer obnoxiousness necessitates his placement on this list. "

17. Jerry Seinfeld: "This is for everyone who has ever yelled at the TV when Jerry brought home another model on Seinfeld. "

18. Malcolm Gladwell - (I'm looking at pics for most of these guys...) what the hell was that?!

19. Chevy Chase - oh, come on, it's just because he's old.

20. Raffi

21. Ron Howard

22. Clint Howard: "Ron's younger, balder, and weirder-looking brother. Yes, weirder looking than Ron Howard. " oh my...

23. Bill Gates: "To quote Dana Carvey: "Gates apparently made a deal with the devil: 'You can have $60 billion, but you have to go through life looking like a turtle.'" "

24. Paul Shaffer

25. Axl Rose - I guess something went horribly wrong...

26. Tim Burton - ok, here's the truth: I have a strange crush on this man.

27. Edward James Olmos

28. Gerard Way (from My Chemical Romance) - ......................and this is where I kill them. Slowly. What are they smoking?! Are they insane?! I'm all for people having their own opinion, but seriously, what the FUCK?!
Gerard defines sexy, if you ask me. What next? Johnny Depp?

29. Don Zimmer: Very fair, should be higher on the list.... AND HOW THE HELL IS THIS GUY SEXIER THAN GERARD WAY?!

30. Tony Kornheiser - this guy looks so funny I started laughing...

31. Chris Kattan

32. Otis Nixon

33. Julian Tavarez

34. Christopher Lloyd

35. Willie McGee

36. Pat Cummings

3 7. Scottie Pippen

38. Larry David

39. Michael Moore

40. Al Franken

41. Paris Latsis: "Maybe not the worst-looking guy in the world, but, well, think about who was there first. " HAHAHA

42. Rush Limbaugh

there were 58 more, but blogger lost the rest of the post, so this is what you get.

5.26.2006

real posts coming soon

Sun in Leo, Moon in Capricorn

You were born with the Sun in Leo and the Moon in Capricorn. The key words to your psychological makeup are synthesis, fidelity, and ambition. You must be attentive to possible psychological conflicts, because while you are inwardly magnanimous, outwardly you are selfish, because of your thirst for power. The Moon in Capricorn exerts a strong influence on your personality and, although internally you are not like this, others view you as cautious, responsible, practical, ambitious, and hard-working. You are made to be cautious in love, although internally you would like to act more spontaneously. Another key word to your being is possessiveness, especially in the psychological sense. You are at your best in any circle in which your natural urges can be reasonably expressed. Therefore you are better suited to lead than to serve. Your struggle is between your rather narrow-minded and selfish outlook and your more real spontaneous and passionate feelings. If you are able to harmonize these temperamental qualities you will find life easier and success more ready

Ascendant in Cancer, Moon in the Sixth House

At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Cancer was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler the Moon is located in the sixth house.

Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiacal belt and its natives are under the rulership of the Moon. Your life will be full of changes and intermittent periods of activity and relaxation. Your vulnerability to external influences makes you subconsciously imitate the manners and ways of those with whom you relate.

In many instances, circumstances will require that you play the role of worldliness and sophistication but under the mask there will exist a very sensitive human being who is easily offended, and also very perceptive of the more subtle influences and impressions, as well as of psychic vibrations.

Cancer gives the tendency to completely retreat when hurt or frightened of a situation. This happens to you often because you tend to interfere in the affairs of others when you are not needed or wanted. Throughout your life, your responses will be emotional rather than rational.

Cancer also gives a tendency for life to be centered in the home and family; your attachment to your private and domestic habits is so strong that without them you could hardly endure. In love matters, you are emotional and gentle.

For the difficult aspects we must warn you against becoming overly preoccupied with trivial details of a psychological nature. Another tendency that you have is to flatter and to criticize carelessly, without regard for the other person's feelings.

Destiny may place you in environments where your natural traits can be best expressed. You will be happier when allowed to be occupied with searching for a person or a thing, though not necessarily in important work.

This position denotes a life in which work is of the utmost importance. An existence that binds or limits you causes you to rebel violently. However, we must warn you against reacting too strongly against natural duties and obligations; it is best to try to use tact and diplomacy rather than violent assertiveness.

This lunar position advises of a certain liability to suffer because of continuous changes in work.

The position of your life ruler in the sixth house will incline you to be a better subordinate than a leader in business. Despite the nature of the circumstances in life which oblige you to conduct activities not altogether harmonious with your inner disposition, you secretly nourish the desire to one day occupy a position of respect. This is not totally impossible. Insist and you will reach the goal.

Sun in the Second House

The Sun was found in the second house at the time of your birth. This position makes financial matters - and the act of physical conquest and possession - the central motivation of your existence.

It is virtually a necessity that you address yourself to gaining material security. The obligations of giving still exist for you as a real difficulty which you must learn to deal with.

You should enjoy your own wealth and also instruct yourself in the art of giving. You wish to be respected in financial matters and like to be regarded as a person who is self- sufficient.

There exists a great amount of faith in your abilities; you believe that no matter what happens, you will always endure financially. These influences of the Sun grant strong possibilities for success in life.

Your weaknesses in money include a tendency to be very demonstrative, a desire for money because of the power it wields. As you reach mature age, the doors of opportunity will open for you through persons highly placed in government. Don't miss the chance.

Venus in the Fourth House

Venus was found in the fourth house at the time of your birth. This is usually a very favorable and fruitful position that grants excellent family relationships within peaceful and beautiful environments.

This position indicates many social affairs, feasts, parties, celebrations, and related activities.

Near the end of your life you should experience financial gain and an overall economic improvement.

A natural lover of country life and nature, you will find many opportunities to gratify these sentiments.

Saturn in the Fifth House

Saturn was found in the fifth house at the time of your birth. Circumstances may oblige you to appear humble and patient in connection with love affairs and as a response to obstacles that will come between you and the object of your love.

It is possible that unless you can exert good control of your temperament, the obstacles can create a response from you that is harsh and severe. You must view these matters in light of the spiritual cause and effect.

We advise you to be very careful in business speculations and not to become involved in operations that have a risky element.

You should make an effort to become involved with the various human experiences of love so that your communicative power is increased. You must be sincere with yourself. Secretly you nourish the desire to be involved in human situations, but you apparently have lost the ability to relate to other people. A little more openness and confidence in your loved ones could be a good course to follow.

Moon in the Sixth House

The Moon was found in your sixth house at the time of birth. Among other things, this indicates that throughout life your work duties will be varied, multiple, and require contact with many people. Healthwise, this may denote a propensity to suffer through excessive changes and motivations.

Psychologically, this position inclines you to act through subordinate roles rather than those of leadership.

A final psychological trait is a secret desire to become known professionally.

Mars Opposition Ascendant

Mars opposition the Ascendant shows that you attract people who threaten you. You do not really have that much self-confidence; your aggressive actions are an attempt to convince yourself that you do.

Meeting others in competition is how you learn to assert yourself constructively, with greater self-control and discipline. Naturally argumentative, you are not the easiest person to get along with. You must learn to be more compromising if you want peace and harmony. Making concessions shows strength of character, not weakness, and if you realize this, you will be respected for your maturity.

In personal relationships, your offensive tactics force you to raise your defenses when the going gets rough.

But an attitude of superiority often masks feelings of inferiority or inadequacy. You have a lot of creative energy you should express. Remember, it is what you do rather than what you say you can do that is important. Develop more self-control, or you will run into many troublesome situations that could be extremely difficult to resolve.

5.24.2006

I live!

ok, so I magically disappeared for a few days, but I'm back. I've been amazingly busy, and I'll probably continue to be busy for a few days... I'm getting a lot of hours at work, and my friend is inviting me out a lot... I think she's worried about me, but that's a different story.

So, I'll try to be around, we'll see.
I miss you all!

5.18.2006

update...

The rain has stopped, except for the occasional drizzle. My grandmothers condo is probably ruined, but the condo managers are insured for the structural stuff, and the floors. My mother, my aunt and my uncle were all down there cleaning it out today, trying to save as much stuff as possible. My mom and I spent a couple of hours this afternoon trying to save photos and old books. Only a couple of photos were ruined, but they all had my grandfather in them... one was me and him carving a pumpkin when I was little. Losing any pics of Grampy is hard though, he died a few years ago. It looks like most things like that are salvagable though. It's the expensive stuff (tv, mattress, car, etc) that are probably destroyed, the sentimental stuff is just damaged, at worst.

On the upside, they found my grandfathers wallet (my grandmother seems to have left it as it was). In it, there's a little laminated card that has what looks like bank account numbers printed on it, all with certain numbers blacked out. Presumably the same number on each, so it wouldn't be hard to figure it out, and my grandfather did have a lot of money hidden away that we've already found, so this wouldn't be too weird. It would be really good if this worked out though, my grandmother could not only replace her car and such (she has enough money to do that), but she could save all her antiques (furniture etc). Those things mean a lot to her.

5.17.2006

...

5.16.2006

I'd appreciate it...

if everyone prayed or whatever it is you do for my grandmother and all the other people in New England who are being displaced by flooding.

Right now, my grandmother's house, her car, her antique furniture, her everything, is under about 2 feet of water. It was up to her knees before she left... right now she's in a hotel that's over $100 dollars a night, and we don't know when she'll be able to go home. We don't even know when her home will be liveable again. The woman is 80 years old, and a lot of her friends, and consequently their families, are going through this too. I gather from the news that their disaster relief ppl are really helping, doing quite a bit, but it's a matter of figuring out how to get that help, and what she's going to do.

I'm worried about my area too... the rain is stopping, finally (a week+ of downpour, it hasn't been like this in years). There's a flood watch right now, apparently... I was just checking the 'watches, warnings, advisories' page. We've only seen minor flooding so far, by the river, and on roadways, but they're worried about more today I guess. There's a low pressure system coming up from long island, and I actually know what that means.

The sun just broke through a little! That's pretty cool after so much rain it broke my windsheild wipers.

5.10.2006

" Being smarter than everyone else can be quite fun, no?"

actual quote from my horoscope today there... quite fun indeed. :)



I died laughing when I saw this... every Barbie has been in this place...
But where did all those lost pink shoes go?! It's like socks in the drier...



















The last line says it all...


that's an interesting name for a bar...






omg...

AFI




"Miss Murder"

Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh

With just a look they shook
And heavens bowed before him.
Simply a look can break your heart.
The stars that pierce the sky;
He left them all behind.
We’re left to wonder why
He left us all behind.

Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh(ohh)

Dreams of his crash won’t pass
Or how they all adored him.
Beauty will last when spiraled down.
The stars that mystify
He left them all behind.
And how his children cry
He left us all behind.

Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh

What's the rift that twists
within this furthest mystery?
I would gladly bet my life upon it.
At the cost of love your ray of light
Will fizzle out without hope.
When the empty sand just flowing through our empty skin,
And we're searching for what we were promised.
Reaching for the cold and rain we never let go,
They won't ever let us blow our filthy hands apart.

Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh

Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh



Feel free to watch the video and grovel before Davey and Jade's (jade is the guitarist... he's dancing in the video. He is also pretty) awesomeness.

Although, I think I'm a bit undecided on my opinion of men in blue sparkly eyeshadow... dresses, lipstick, any of that, and I can tell you what I think, but blue sparkles confuse me...
in this first pic here, Jade is on the far left, then Davey... and they are what make AFI wonderful. Not just because they're pretty.

--- arms...