Dear Santa,

I am writing not to ask for gifts, but in regards to your appearance at Walmart this morning. Frankly, I think it is a litte tasteless to bring out the red suit before Thanksgiving, and absolutely disturbing before Halloween (perhaps this was the point?). You could have at least washed it any time in the past 50 years. Your manor with the customers was disturbing, and far too personal. We know that you see us when we're sleeping, and know when we're awake, but we don't know you. It was deeply unnerving. Perhaps it had something to do with the alcoholic stench following you as you wavered through the store? Honestly, Father Christmas, you were scaring children and adults alike. That's why management asked you to leave.

Also, when did you start handing out Halloween candy?! I thought we'd learned our lesson about holiday theft...

Your later appearance, although deeply reminiscent of our stationary department employee, was much more pleasant. I must admit it was unusual to see Santa pushing a cart of Halloween bags, though; did you lose your sack?

Yours truly, I want a digital camera and an mp3 player,
Starry Lady

PS - you should really come sometime when little old Elvis is there, he's a character.




(for those wondering, this is not a joke. This was my work day. People were asking us if the candy was safe. And the Elvis guy is a customer with an uncanny resemblance to an elderly Elvis.)