whoa, I explain my absence!

I have much to say, but there's someone out there who can't understand that I'm speaking to her as a stranger now. So, I will say it here, where she won't read it, for you to know where I've been. It's posted where she can see as well, but... I feel like sharing. Thus far though, curiosity seem sto have proven too much for her. Remember, folks, this is only my side of the story. I apologize in advance for chapter 3.

chapter1, the beginning.

La, Bean and I have been friends for six years. Good friends; best friends even. Over the last year, it had become increasingly apparent that she was lying to us, followed by "teasing" with the cruelest jokes she knew. Soon, I was hearing my intimate secrets from the mouths of near strangers, then lies. The trust of the friendship was shattered, but the sisterhood survived enough that it seemed worth the attempted rebuilding. The lies continued, though. Less obvious, but more significant.

It was during an outing that the facade came down. A fight, an inane fight, ending in La walking away. It was so dramatic, and it was the end. I think we all knew. I can only speak for Bean and myself here though.

Chapter 2

She called me not long after, telling me that I needed to come and talk to her. I was extremely busy, and still angry over her behavior, so I told her I would see her as soon as possible, or we could discuss the matter over the phone. She declined, and that evening Bean sent her an email stating how she felt about the way we had been treated.

The next day, the emails arrived. I obviously read my own first:
"I know you had a hand in writing that letter. I wish you would free yourself from Bean so you can save money and get on with your life.... I wish we could still be friends, you and I. I guess you can keep my hampster cage, you'll need it as Bean replaces me with a rodent....It is your perogative to talk to me, its all up to you. I'm leaving the door of friendship open to YOU. If you need me I'll be there.
I'm waiting for your rude reply because I know I have wounded you. I trust you'll follow Bean's destructive path some more. I wish you would hold yourself higher than the trailorpark you came from....Your demoted friend, La."

I was not too surprisingly insulted by some of the statements in this email. So I called Bean. She gave me the password to her email, and I found so much more...

"If Starry had the balls to talk with me, this would have ended already. I was going to try and keep us all friends but I have no choice....You are no-longer trustworthy, the way you act is to either extreme. You started changing your senior year, I don't think you've had enough time to adjust to being an adult.... I've been too vulnerable a person with both of you. Understand me, a friend is just that...a friend. You are no-longer the Bean I made friends with tea. You use me and cheat me and expect me not to hide things from you? I will tell you the truth, that night with Melisa at my side we listened to the entire phone conversation between you and Dean. You lied to me plain faced about the things said and friends don't do that. Starry wasn't crying torwards the end, and now I wish she wasn't another part of you. Starry has changed too, she hasn't been a real person since you took over. You need to stop seeking love by getting animals then throwing them to Starry to take care of....Respect is something you have lacked for a long time.... I know your Mother would agree to that statement....
The only reason you cling to Caleb is because you don't want to be an adult anymore. You want to be a little girl with her dollies. So have fun young one, no tears hear.
Nolonger your sister, La"

Now I felt attacked, as did my friend. I called her, and I left an angry message, and I thought that was it. I wish that had been it. I am and have been glad to be rid of her.

Chapter 3, explaination (my side part 1).

No, I did not write any of that. What I had to say was completely different. The only reason I would be rude to her at that pint is that she attacked and belittled the only non-family member in my life who has ALWAYS stood by me. I will always defend her. Yes, I come from a trailor park. So what? She came from rat infested apartments, to hear her tell the stories. My demoted friend? How self serving, and, to paraphrase a friend of hers, "martyriffic."

I didn't react very strongly, really, until I read the line about having no balls. She has forced me to play simpering go-between, a freedomless peacemaker, puppet, translator, for years. She has run me back and forth, carrying her messages, listening to her spiels about the true evil of Bean but oh she loves her so much, while also listening to Bean's rages that her own best friend wouldn't just talk to her. It was painful to me, and La knew that. In the end, though, she lay the blame on my unwillingness to tear myself apart over a dead relationship. She NEVER "tried to keep us all together," she admittedly tried to distance us several times, but always came back. Bean is far more trustworthy than she is, proven by her lies. Everyone changes. If you don't like those changes, then end it respectfully, not with insults and hate. No one used or cheated La. Not us anyway. She listened, huh? Another lie exposed. A strange lie though, because as I told her, I listened too. Everything Bean said was true, and since she have accused me of lying by proxy, I will tell confirm that everything I said is true. I have to wonder, which is the lie that she told? "I listened," or "I slept."
I am a part of another person? Not real? I don't even know how to answer that. She has said so many untrue things about me as if they were fact, I have come to believe that she does not know me, but rather a fantasy she thinks is me. Perhaps this flat, imaginary me has left her wanting?
Bean has never thrown an animal to me, I have volunteered to care for the ones that her mother barred from their house. Also, Bean has not gotten another animal since I took over their care. She knows this. I think she is trying to wound us with sensationalized accusations.
She does not lack respect, and La knows full well that her mother has spent much of the time we knew her somewhat out of her mind. Perhaps, though, La would like us to talk to her mother about here? I know the things she says about La when she's not there, I've heard them.
Finally, Bean is not clinging to Caleb beyond the very proper sense that she is maintaining a healthy relationship for the sake of their child. She is also greatly enjoying her adulthood, far more than I am.

Chapter 4, Bean reaches out.

Bean wanted closure, wanted to know why 6 years of sisterhood meant so little, so she sent another email weeks later. A cordial email, with a cordial response. So again, she emailed, recieving a slightly less cordial response. As the cycle repeated, La became venemous, without known reason or a single answered question.

Chapter 5, Myspace Wars.

I saw her at my place of work. I snapped at her, admittedly. In my defense, I was upset that she was there while I was working, by my department, when she had many other options of where to go, and she was annoying the crap out of my coworker, but I shouldn't have snapped. Call it a fit of temper. Soon after, I find:

"Why can't people just let things die and start over....*sigh*...I don't understand why Bean would raise such a stink, since now she's getting cock again like her myspace says...oh my, well that is my thoughts on the excrement she writes to me and then puts up.By the way, Starry you shouldn't treat customers like you do. So bite me."

Apparently, my answer of "meeting nice guys=getting cock? strange, not in my life... huh. She just wanted her closure. I didn't think it was much to ask." Sparked all sorts of myspace drama. (I feel so special ;) )

She called Bean a slut, she swore at me, called us self-centered, called us stalkers AFTER sending me an email begging me not to hate her and insulting me some more. She continued on till she looked like worthless trash, and I have to wonder if that's what she has become. She has certainly proved herself both ignorant and a liar, behaviors I am rarely forgiving of.

And that is where it stands.
A pathetic end.