"Dance, Fucker, Dance"

For those who don't know, I love the new Offspring song, hence this post's title.
Second order of business, I type like crap all of a sudden. Please forgive any weird typos.

Lastly, HEY, I'M BACK!

Let's tell this story in a nice, chronologically linear manner, shall we?

I got a new job a couple weeks ago, full time stock person at American Eagle. Sweet job, sweet discount, great co-workers (my manager is a gorgeous, intelligent, funny, smart rich man who drives my favorite car. Obviously this means he is gay AND married.)
A few days after I get this job, I find out that my friend and roommate Mesa is a crazy person. I mean, damn. I'm known this girl for 8 years, I knew she had her issues, I knew she told stupid little lies all the time. But this was downright phenomenal. She's been telling us and everyone else who will listen, for 2 years now, about her fiance, Jay. I discover, she and Jay broke up 3 YEARS AGO. Like that isn't enough, she's been signing her emails to him as if they were from out other roommate Bean or from her cousin, emails about how she was in the hospital, how she broke her arm, how everyone was so bad to her and her parents abused her and so on. Not a word of it true. This girls been going as far as to buy herself and my niece gifts saying they were from him. The real hell broke loose when I told Jay what was going on (he lives several hours away). She had moved out withing three days of that.

Next thing I know, she's telling me that she's gonna take me to court for money I owe her, and for going through her room, and for opening her mail. The next day, her brother's screaming and swearing at me that they're gonna sue us for her deposit because she paid the whole thing, and that they're taking the water filter (they took the doorknob to her room and the curtain rod that wasn't even hers). To put those statements into perspective, I owed her no money, she may still owe me money; I caught her going through my room, but never went through hers; I did not open her mail, and even if I had I was secondary on the account she was referring to and therefore had a legal right to it to my understanding; sue me all you want, I have the bank records to prove that I paid her back for anything beyond her share of the deposit, and I can probably prove the damn water filter is ours too, you useless bastard.
I actually had to call my father to oversee the move, because it was that and hope it shut her brother up that he was there, or call the cops and have him removed. I will not be threatened and insulted in my own home thank you, and my defenses are my father, police, or lead pipe and pepper spray (girl's gotta know how to fend for herself), take your pick.

Well, with the way the whole thing's gone down, we've decided not to let her out of the lease. She remains responsible for a third of the remaining lease, and has actually agreed to pay it. I have not been sued, either. Good thing, considering I can prove she was using my name and birthday to open 'rewards' and 'points' type accounts. Hint, dumbass: that's identity theft, and illegal.
Now we just need to get her to pay her damn share of the rent.

THEN MY COMPUTER BROKE.
BECAUSE I REALLY NEEDED THAT ONE MORE THING

ok, I'm better.
Happy belated birthday to me.