The past revisited part II

This came off another blog, on xanga.com, because I was angry at some people, as you'll see. I found these people on there, and I was just so offended by their little essay that I had to respond. And as I can't think of anything else to post, you get to read my old rantings. Ha. Italics is the essay, normal is my response.

"There are teenagers that go through many problems, depression, abuse, loneliness, sadness, and think that they will never get through it. But they bear through it, and find that they are stronger than they thought. They manage to enjoy their youth without traveling the road of self-harm. They end up becoming intelligent, strong minded, fungoing, and loving adults who challenge the world with their minds. They love themselves enough to do the right thing and teach their children the strength that came from their struggles."

Yes, there are. There are also teens that go through crap and come out miserable adults. There are teens that live reasonably happy lives and come out happy, or miserable, or homosexual, or heterosexual, or clinically depressed, or any number of things. There are teens that are not so melodramatic as to think they will never get through it... and there are teens that don't get through it. Ah, but you're about to address them...

"Then there are the teenagers that do shocking, disturbing, dark and gruesome things to shock friends and loved ones. They put themselves down, have no self love, which in turn makes them seem so sad, angry, and sometimes hostile to others, then cut, and mutilate themselves. Friends pull farther & farther away from them because of this DOOM & GLOOM. Friends can't handle someone who's depressed all the time. Can you blame them?"

Yes, some are attempting to shock, some are begging for love and attention, but unfortunately, there are also those who suffer from genuine mental illness. You have, in one sentence, belittled and ignored a genuine problem. How mature. Until very recently, I cut. Few, if any, thought of me as sad, angry, or hostile. Because I wasn't looking for attention, I was sick. I didn't loose friends, I made new ones. I was the happy, mature, intelligent girl with a love for fun, and a dark side barely different from any other teens. I was not doom & gloom, and definitely not DOOM&GLOOM. Also, I learned, between the ages of 12-17, something very important about friends, which you seem to have never learned: real friends care. They do the best they can, they do not pull away, they try to help. The only way to lose them is to push them away. You have a dishearteningly low opinion of today's teenagers.

" 'Some' of these sad and depressed teens talk about 'cutting' just to pull in comments from teens just like them. They then swim together in their swamp of gloomyness and talk about cutting on their PUBLIC Xangas. They hardly talk at all about the problems, but they do alot of cutting talk. "

I have several issues with this paragraph. (1)Why is it "some?" This comes across to me as a snide attempt to imply "all," because I simply cannot construe any other reason for your use of quotation marks. Charming and, again, mature. (2) Some of these teens are also reaching out for real help, or simply discussing a fact of their life. They are not swimming in anything. (3) Gloominess is spelled with an "i," not a "y." (4) I am strongly disturbed by your apparent stance that cutting is a mere bi-product of "problems," not a problem. (5) I found a lot of support on xanga for NOT cutting, and for stopping, permanently. I found it through the methods that you claim lead to nothing more than "swimming in gloominess." In my time surfing xanga I also came upon many sites TRULY advertising anorexia and bulimia as good things, lifestyle choices. They did not lead me to believe that I should become one of those. It is highly dependant on the mindset of the reader. (6) “Alot” should be two words (a lot).

"I found many of these gloomy teens on several pages featuring 'CUTTERS' The new IN thing to talk about on their Xangas."

I'm sorry, but that sentence doesn't fully make sense as is. I can address the second half, though: yes, some children see cutting as a trend. Xanga certainly did not create this problem. I can assure you, it's an old one. Otherwise there would not be middleschoolers forming "cutting clubs" and getting together in bathrooms, after school, or any other separate space, and passing around a blade or lighter.

"Teens who cut their wrists or arms to get relief from their problems. They write about how they cut today, or they are trying not to cut, or they get satisfaction from cutting, or blood is their friend, or I don't know why I do this, or I'm tryin not to cut, or I cut last week, or I don't want to cut again, or I'm trying to stop cutting, I'm so sorry I cut again, or I love the warmth of the blood running down my arm."

Not all self-injurers cut/harm their wrists or arms. Although a common misconception, life is really not that straight forward. Also, I assure you that many of these kids are telling the truth. They are trying to stop, and they don't want to, but it is an ADDICTION. Just as smoking is an addiction, self-harm is something that you quickly lose control of, and it takes control of you. These are not adults, as you have so often pointed out. These are kids fighting a mental illness and addiction, often on their own, because people like you make them afraid to tell someone and ask for help, so they seek it out in the safest place they know: the internet.

"Some of them have this illness, some "fake it" to get people to come and comment on their Xangas."

I would just like my readers to take note of this statement. I'm going to bring it back in a little while.

"As I read how they want to cut, I think about how these teens have no sense of themselves. Just because no one see's you online, does not mean you surrender yourself so easily and discuss something that is so private, and dangerous to talk about. They seem to forget that other normal young teens are reading this and will be influenced by their dangerous words. Are they responsible if a young teen thinks that cutting would be a good way of getting attention because they are feeling depressed? Yes, they are responsible!! "

1) Many of these teens have a perfect sense of themselves, I assure you. Clearer than so many "happy" kids. (2) They are not coming out about it here because they think it doesn't matter, they are talking about it because they hope to find someone who understands, and that is often not possible in situations that are not as anonymous as the internet. They are taking a risk in doing so, yes, the risk that they will not find the help they need and the risk that they will influence someone else to cut. A "normal young teen," however, is not going to begin cutting simply because of the internet. The risk is in those who are already sick in some manner. Also, I must again point out that this illness is not about attention. There are people walking around everyday, people you think of as "normal," who, in the face of adversities, are rushing to the bathroom and digging through their pockets and bags for their knife. (3) You need to start copy-pasting things into a word-type program and spell-checking them. It should be “sees” not “see’s.” (4) Yes, it is (usually) a private matter, although not in the attention seeking cases. You have, unfortunately, contradicted yourself. I'm afraid that this is actually the third factor undermining your essay, and causing me to question its credibility, as you are obviously not educated in the matter. (5) Yes, everyone is responsible for their words, but not necessarily the interpretation thereof. Is an unspecified young women's magazine responsible for the fact that when I read an article designed to educate young girls and stop them from cutting, I only saw that I wasn't alone and that what I was doing was okay? Because the magazine has been quite successful since that time 6 years ago, I could probably get a lot of money if I sued them.

"They create Blogrings of cutters, and comment on other cutting pages, leaving their link for other teens to click on. They advertise disgusting bloody icons of bleeding wrists and bloody razors that send subliminal messages to young teens. Does this sound like attention getting advertisement? YES! The 'fake cutters' know that this will bring in other 'so called cutters' to comment on their pages with comments to satisfy their lonely lives. "

1)Yes, there are groups... many with the cause of support towards healing. Others are just a safe haven for the lost and confused. It may not always help the healing, and the mixed messages sent by those with both pro- and anti-cutting blogrings is probably more detrimental than anything else one could encounter, but there is always bad mixed in with good. (2) The icons... yes, they can be disturbing, and some of them can trigger the hardest moments for a young person trying to stop cutting, but I assure you, we as young people have seen much more disturbing things, both on the internet and in our lives, often on our own skin or the skin of a friend. And, as a friend of mine put it, the message sounds pretty straightforward to me. (3) Your claim that these are attention-getting advertisements is the hardest to address, because it requires an understanding of the situation, and I have found in your presence online a distinct lack of a willingness to listen. The first, and easiest to understand, explanation, is simply this: icons reflect who we are, what we do, and what we think about. For a self-injurer, this is what you get. Similarly, icons are to attract the like minded and signal to others that you are different; to allow people to know something about the person they are speaking to. This does not make it an attention getting advertisement anymore than an art-buff using a Van Gogh or Monet as their icon. (4) I assure you that the majority of teens can construct better ways to get attention than to fake cutting. (5) Blogrings should not have been capitalized, "attention getting" should have been hyphenated, your grammar is still repulsive, and your liberal use of quotation marks again confuses me.

"The ones who really have this illness, discuss it with these 12 - 17 year old teens that could never be equipped to help them with this serious, and dangerous illness. They are kids! They can help by providing advice, and support for your PROBLEMS, but not the CUTTING! So why mention the cutting?? Only one thing comes to mind, they have to sound extreme, or everyone will lose interest in their pages. So they say, 'your comments have been so much help to me' then a few days later they say, 'I'm so sorry I cut again, I couldn't help myself.' How has talking about 'cutting' helped them?? It hasn't!! It won't help!! Seeking professional help will! 'REAL' cutters need to stop talking about cutting to 12 - 17 year old kids and seek help for this serious and VERY PERSONAL illness. Xanga pages are not the place for this kind of talk."

1) I would again ask my readers to please make note of the first sentence. (2) Cutting is one of the problems. It does not, unfortunately, stop just because you feel better. Often, also, the best support and most knowledgeable help, even the driving force behind many of these kids seeking help, is found online. Often, they mention the cutting because it is the most frightening problem to them. If a child lives in a normal house with parents that yell and siblings that fight, or maybe they have everything they ever wanted but are depressed, truly depressed, not wah-my-life-sucks, they can still become sick, and then what is more frightening than a self-harm addiction? There are many people who have been helped by bringing it up on there xangas. (3) Your liberal use of quotation marks, capitalization, and exclamation points is really sending the message that you cannot successfully emphasize your point in a more literate way. (4) I have, throughout your little essay, picked up on some attitudes that seem to be saying that cutting will help, that it is controllable, and that you should not tell friends or loved ones. None of those are true. It is an addiction, out of the victim's control, and you should always tell someone you trust, because you need help. If a xanga is the only way a person can call for help, then that's how it is.

"'Fake' cutters also need to seek professional help to understand why they have this great need to 'fake it.' The fakers do not understand how they are making a mockery out of this serious illness! They need to understand how this cutting talk will encourage other teens to fake it, or really cut themselves, or end up killing themselves."

1)You are making a mockery of a serious illness. (2) Self-harm and suicide are not always combined. It has often been put that "we cut to stay alive," intelligent young people who realize that it is not okay, who have recovered or are fighting to recover, have best explained it that they used it to keep from ever getting to the point of being suicidal. (3) A rare point with which I agree. No matter what the reason, whether you suffer from deliberate self-harm syndrome or you are crying out for attention, you should consider therapy or counseling.

"So all of you sad and depressed teens that think that your Xanga page is yours to do what you want with, think about what you write on that page."

I would ask my readers to take note of this statement as well.

"Especially young teens that do not need to share in your dark gloomy cutting world. "

You really like the word "gloomy," don't you? Your repetitive usage is detracting from your point. I would also request that should you continue posting around xanga, you stop being so condescending. Also, comma rules. Look them up.

"Your teen years will waste away in darkness, and before you know it, your most wondorous years are gone, never to be regained again. Face your tribulations with strength from within. Do not waste yourselves in DARKNESS! You'll be left behind, while others will be looking down on you wondering why your not enjoying life with them. Stop spreading this cutting poison!"

I managed to enjoy my teen years. Many do. This illness is a part of our lives, not always the whole of our lives. Also, the only thing that I was looked down upon for was my near crippling shyness. Few thought less of me for my dark side. Lastly, "wondrous," not "wondorous."

"People with DSH (Deliberate Self Harm Syndrome) DO NOT talk about cutting, they do it and tell NO ONE! In some cases they only tell their therapists."

I would never have told a therapist while I was still cutting. I told only my closest friends, and only after A LOT of trust had been established. You cannot predict who will tell what to whom. To do so puts these people in a harmful box, making it even harder for them to get the help they need. Also, I asked my readers to make note of some statements earlier. Please now recall the first two, in which it was repeatedly stated that some of the people writing about cutting truly had an illness; yet now they are stating that if someone has DSH, they would never speak of it online. More contradictions.

"We are a group of parents that are very concerned for young teens that will at some time or other visit these pages through Blogrings or comments left on other pages."

You are apparently unconcerned, however, about the self-injurers themselves, as you peruse xanga, stopping on their sites just long enough to leave hurtful and ignorant statements to which we are not allowed to properly respond. Also, again, blogrings should not be capitalized.

"We do have a right to comment on your page. Xanga is for the public. It is not a private journal. That is why you should be mature in your thinking when writing on them."

I would ask my readers to look at the third comment I asked you to take note of. We have encountered a third blatant contradiction.

"Write about your problems, not about your cutting."

Cutting is, as previously stated, one of our problems, and your refusal to accept that is insulting.

"You may be saving a life or two."
"You may be saving a life or two."

You used this twice, with only three sentences between them. Please, edit before you post. Whether your point is valid or not aside, you look simply foolish when the opposition proves themselves more educated by ripping apart the technical aspects of your essays.

"We have enabled our comments because this page is used only to send out a very important message. We are not hiding. A lot of teens tend to use vulgarities to express themselves to a point where their point is lost. We'd rather not litter this page with useless banter. We will comment and reply on your pages as swiftly we could."

Actually, you disabled your comments and guestbooks. You ARE hiding. The levels of "concern" that you express would indicate that you want to reach out to these kids, but in looking beyond the obvious, we see that you really only want to tell them off and run, turning a deaf ear, just as so many other adults. You leave them just as alone and confused as you found them, with one more thing to add to the lists of injuries from others that they keep in their heads. I would also like to say, generally only angry, insulted teens use vulgarities to that extent. Perhaps you could try not offending them. Also, should I disable my comments and guestbook because some people abuse grammar, caps lock, and punctuation to such an extent that their point is lost? I am sorry, but I would rather not, as I prefer to hear back from people, I want to know who these people I'm writing to are, and that's how I do it. It is not useless banter, it is often valid, well thought out opinions or people looking for help. As far as commenting and replying as fast as you can, I have seen little more than a hit and run style, in which you are leaving hurtful, ignorant statements, and never returning, sparking often wonderful debates in which you never feature, and you leave no way to contact you.

What I have presented is, unfortunately, nothing more than a poorly written essay that would not even pull a B in a junior year high school English class, and it is sadly attempting to address a truly serious illness. I ask that people do their best to stop the spread of ignorance, and stop hurting each other.

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What I try to tell myself is this: I know damn well what most of the reasons I cut were... and I can refute them. ( #)reason--argument )
1)To externalize emotional pain, and give it a form I can deal with.-- That's just ridiculous, when you realize the embarrassment and humiliation, the pure shame and patheticness I feel afterwards. Also, as I've concluded, 'I'd rather be whole and suffering than in pieces and suffering all the same.'
2)For control/power.-- I lost that a long time ago... control now would be to stop myself from something so out of hand.
3)To punish myself.-- I have done nothing to deserve this, even at my worst moments.
4)To punish those who claim to/really do love me, but inadvertently or otherwise hurt me, by hurting myself, therefore hurting them (relates back to control).-- Now that's just horrible. And inneffective, since I am ashamed and hide the cuts.
5)Not feeling beautiful, once I was already to far into it my mind started saying it would help that.-- o.0 not even...
6)This is possibly the worst one... I like seeing the blood.-- Can't explain, can't fight it due to its irrationality. The hardest one to fight, the one that made me cut too deep, the one that keeps me up at night as images of freely bleeding cuts flash unbidden through my mind. The one that makes me feel like I'm not just sick, I'm insane.
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Bible meets college
The Holy Scripture may have had a different bent if written by college students:
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -cold, with stale Coke.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -double-spaced, with wide margins, and written in a largefont.
A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's e-mail toabuse@romans.gov.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40years: They didn't want to ask for directions and look like freshmen.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night beforeit was due and then pulled an all-nighter

DAMM - Drunks Against Mad Mothers

Wisdom comes with age. Death comes with age. Therefore, wisdom is dangerous.

As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.

On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.

Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up.

Mankind is stupid. If you forget, they will remind you.

As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.

In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.

If ever you should need my life, come and take it.

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Be alert - the world needs more lerts.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

Friends - the people who stab ya in the front.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.