So...

Apparently, a semi-local news magazine that I'm actually rather fond of is the current cause of my 3 day bitchfit. Why? Their 100 unsexiest men in the world list. So, I'm going share my thoughts on their 'unsexy' men. I don't disagree with all of them, obviously, but I need to bitch. It makes me happy this week. It may also make me happy to hunt down the authors and maim them. Here we go:

1. Gilbert Gottfried - yes, he looks funny and he sounds really strange, but honestly, he's not the most unsexy man in the world. I can think of so many people so much more repulsive... but I don't like to think about repulsive people today, so I'll just make MY list later.

2. Randy Johnson - ...fair enough.

3. Roger Ebert: They put it well: "Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn't fuck him."

4. Dr. Phil: "Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid. " And he's creepy, with an annoying accent.

5. Alan Colmes - eh, I think it's a little mean to put him this high on the list, but it's pretty bad.

6. Chad Kroeger - Not only is that untrue, but they called Nickleback the 'worst band since the dawn of time,' and that's one of the reasons I'm going to maim them.

7. Mike Mills - another good choice.

8. Osama Bin Laden: "Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5", no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points. " Interesting reasoning, but I'd have thrown in the whole 'fugly' factor.

9. Jay Leno

10. Don Imus - fighting for the #1 spot on the list.

11. Michael Jackson - fighting for the #1 spot on the list.

12. Wallace Shawn - ok, so he's not sexy, but I love him because he's funny, so I don't like seeing him on the list.

13. Mike D. of the Beastie Boys: "We hate to do this. But the sickly looking Beastie "did it like this, did it like that, did it with a wiffle ball bat . . . because no one would want to get within three feet of him naked. " The comment made me giggle... he's just an uber dork.

14. Richard Simmons - winning the fight for the #1 spot... I bet Wayne Brady has nightmares.

15. Jon Lovitz - another unsexy but funny one.

16. Carrot Top: "Sheer obnoxiousness necessitates his placement on this list. "

17. Jerry Seinfeld: "This is for everyone who has ever yelled at the TV when Jerry brought home another model on Seinfeld. "

18. Malcolm Gladwell - (I'm looking at pics for most of these guys...) what the hell was that?!

19. Chevy Chase - oh, come on, it's just because he's old.

20. Raffi

21. Ron Howard

22. Clint Howard: "Ron's younger, balder, and weirder-looking brother. Yes, weirder looking than Ron Howard. " oh my...

23. Bill Gates: "To quote Dana Carvey: "Gates apparently made a deal with the devil: 'You can have $60 billion, but you have to go through life looking like a turtle.'" "

24. Paul Shaffer

25. Axl Rose - I guess something went horribly wrong...

26. Tim Burton - ok, here's the truth: I have a strange crush on this man.

27. Edward James Olmos

28. Gerard Way (from My Chemical Romance) - ......................and this is where I kill them. Slowly. What are they smoking?! Are they insane?! I'm all for people having their own opinion, but seriously, what the FUCK?!
Gerard defines sexy, if you ask me. What next? Johnny Depp?

29. Don Zimmer: Very fair, should be higher on the list.... AND HOW THE HELL IS THIS GUY SEXIER THAN GERARD WAY?!

30. Tony Kornheiser - this guy looks so funny I started laughing...

31. Chris Kattan

32. Otis Nixon

33. Julian Tavarez

34. Christopher Lloyd

35. Willie McGee

36. Pat Cummings

3 7. Scottie Pippen

38. Larry David

39. Michael Moore

40. Al Franken

41. Paris Latsis: "Maybe not the worst-looking guy in the world, but, well, think about who was there first. " HAHAHA

42. Rush Limbaugh

there were 58 more, but blogger lost the rest of the post, so this is what you get.