"CHILDREN'S BOOKS YOU'LL NEVER SEE"

& other fun things Starry has saved on her computer over the last 3 years...

CHILDREN'S BOOKS YOU'LL NEVER SEE:

"You Were an Accident"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"All Dogs Go to Hell"
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"
"You Are Different and That's Bad"
"Dad's New Wife Timothy"
"Pop! Goes The Hamster..And Other Great Microwave Games"
"Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets"
"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"
"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"
"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"
"Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"
"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"
"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"
"Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear"
"See Dick Stiffen"
"Bi-Curious George"


BUMPER STICKERS

TAILGATING:
-Of course you're faster, but I'm driving in front of you.
-The closer you get the slower I go.
-(Placed on the front printed in reverse letters to be read in a rearview mirror) If you can read this you are going too slow.
-If you come any closer, I'll eat you.
-So you like tailgating, and I like stopping suddenly.
-I brake for no good reason.
RELIGION:
-Jesus... He scares the Hell out of you!
-In the beginning there was nothing, then God said, "Let there be light"... and there was still nothing, but you could see it.
-Worry, God knows all about you.
-Jesus is coming, look busy!
-I found Jesus! He was hiding behind the couch the whole time!
-Suicide is a way of telling God 'you can't fire me, I QUIT!'
-I have nothing God, it's his followers that I can't stand
-Geez if you believe in honkus.
-Pray for Whirled Peas!
-I FOUND JESUS...he's in the truck of my car...you can see him for five dollars.
-God, please protect me from your followers.
-God is living in Canada and doesn't want to get involved!
-God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.
-The last time we mixed religion and politics people were burned at the stake.
-Trust in God, but lock your car
RELATIONSHIPS:
-Some call it stalking, I call it love
-We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
-Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
-Not tonight dear - I have a modem.
-I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.
-Yes I'm single, Yes I'm not married, No I'm not a lesbian
RANDOM:
-I'm the person your mother warned you about!
-Remember to use ALL fingers when waving at a policeman!
-Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup!
-Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
-Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
-Just because my name is buddy doesn't mean you have to scream it to get my attention
-We're born naked, wet, & hungry. Then things get worse.
-Strike a blow for justice: punch an attorney
-Another Dopeless Hope Fiend
-It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
-If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
-If you say one more word, I'm going to put my umbrella in your pants and open it.
-SPECIAL UPDATE! Elvis has just been spotted entering gay night with a HUNKA HUNKA man!
-There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
-They say you can't take it with you... But they also can't come and get it!
-Humpty Dumpty was Pushed.
-Who the hell would throw shit at a fan?
-Do what you did when you were a kid: fly a kite, go fishing, hunt a dinosaur
-According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist
-Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.